O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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