the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
