How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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