so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
