do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
