Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
