Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
