I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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