Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
