Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize