If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
