Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
