How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
