Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
