Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
