is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
