We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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