my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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