Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
how drunk are you?
Several
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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