I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
