I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
