I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
