i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
