I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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