Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
