they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
