Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
