Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
as a side note pls kill me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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