ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
