i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
