Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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