I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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