just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
