girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
