i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
