Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
