I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
