Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
