didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
