I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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