I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
