when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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