Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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