Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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