Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
