How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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