So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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