I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
