apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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