Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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